happy

Towards the light

The same thought keep on resonating in my mind, the same words over and over again. That even though things get rough sometimes there’s always beauty to be seen, always happiness to be found no matter how dark things may look. Most times it isn’t that obvious, it’s in the little things that most of us overlook while living our busy lives, walking past them as we hurry along to get where we want to be, rather than stopping at where we need to be, to take a break from what we must to see what we want, what we really need. Not to just live but to feel alive, not to just work but to make it work and not to just have but to cherish. And for some of us it is a long road to finally get to where we feel good, feel comfortable and allowed to be ourselves. Some may never find that place due to pressure or the ease of just following the crowds in their routines. To just get dragged away by the stream that is society, with its rules on how to behave and its standards on how to be to be accepted even when that doesn’t align with our personalities or goals. It is easier to adapt most of the times to seem perfect in the eyes of total strangers, colleagues and even friends. But in the end you will not be the best person you could be, you will never reach that full potential that is within every single one of us, buried deep and waiting to be uncovered, to see the light and to grow into something majestic.

I am still on the road to finding out for myself but every step I take, I try to take it with purpose, with a goal towards a future that I want, a future I didn’t know I wanted a year ago, when I too thought all was lost, that my story would evolve no further and all hope seemed lost. I am passed that way of thinking now, I once again believe that I can do something and I owe a lot of it to certain people that never stopped believing, even when I did. They gave me the tools to escape from that dark place and I took the opportunity to traverse back into the light. Started to make plans for the future again and I tend to fulfill them, one at a time. Setting higher goals as I complete one. Going back to school is the first step, just thinking about it gives me a lot of confidence and even though it will be time consuming it gives me energy and motivation. It has brought back my will to live life and to not let life live me. To grab hold of the reigns again and to head into the future at full speed.

There is a lot I still have to learn but I know I’ll get there, to that point in life where I can finally confidently say that I am happy with my life and more importantly, myself.

D.

Much needed fuel

Today, nothing but praise. Praise for that one person that managed to get me back on the right track.

You, so very far away, were the one that made me smile again. You were the one that made me experience joy again in a way I did not deem possible. You were the one that lighted my fire again and you made it spread throughout my body, my mind, my soul. There was a connection from the very beginning, something that made me feel comfortable around you without doubting any of it, you made me forget about all that was bad and all I could focus on was the time I spent with you. You motivated me and you revived my creativity, you were the one that made me write, draw and dream again. The only one responsible for the fact that I once again have clear feelings in my life and a purpose. I don’t know what but something about you made me enjoy life again and to not let it rule me any longer, I started to have hope again, that I too, am worth something in this world. You made it possible for me to start building my own future, be it one brick at a time. You were the one that provided me with the foundations. The fact that we don’t speak that much anymore doesn’t stop me from feeling this way. Your name echoes through my head with everything I do, everything I create and every single dream I have is not complete without you in it. I hope, with all my heart that I will be able to meet you one day in the near future and that is not too late. I am willing to devote every single free moment I have to you and I hope that by then you will still be able to do the same.

D.