Observing, to see, watch, perceive, or notice. To me it comes natural, I’ve always been more of an observer. Taking it all in without interfering, to pay attention to the details, to see as much as I can and making mental notes. Especially when it comes to people and their behavior, how they act in certain circumstances and how they react to certain things. It made me see that even though how different everyone is they all display the same emotions, the same way of making those emotions visible to the world surrounding them. Some more clear than others and even a few who can mask it almost completely. But no matter how much someone tries to hide their true feelings there’s always something that gives away how they feel; By the way they speak or avoid your gaze, how they dance around your questions and how they make up answers on the spot. It’s in the way they look and their body language speaks for them most times. The more you pay attention to it and the more you compare it to others in a similar situation the more you start to see, the patterns that always return in some shape or form. It makes me feel that through learning to see the signs I can also respond more appropriately, to say the right things at the right time or not say anything at all. To give people the best version of me they need at that time. It gives me time to think about the words I want to say and the things I want to avoid mentioning depending on the situation. It is something I will always keep on doing. Something I will get better at over time. It might even be a tool for myself to stop hiding my own emotions and losing the armor I have been wearing for years and years. To stop being ashamed for my own emotions and the way I think about things.
Every step I take from now on is for self improvement, being as considerate as I can to those around me without pushing my own needs to the end of the line again.