Another few days have passed and there has been little change. The numb sensation is stronger than ever and it seems like the one thing I loved is also becoming even more distant. Not that I didn’t expect it to happen but that is what makes it all the harder. The anticipation that something will happen becoming a thing. Becoming part of my long list of struggles. But, I have decided that I won’t give up on that. I will keep on fighting and giving it the attention I feel it deserves. Basically all of my everyday thoughts focus around this on thing now and I can’t be unhappy about it. Even though it is still very much unknown to me it has a certain level of attraction to it, something that makes me feel like what I’m doing is right, that it is worth every second of my mind being occupied. It somewhat distracts me from all the things that pulled me down and is lifting my spirits. Every glimpse I get makes my day a little more comfortable, every sound I hear brings a smile to my face. It also brings forth empathy, a feeling I have missed for several years, a feeling that still eludes me for anyone else. It has a certain radiating light that captivates me and makes it feel like every second I spend with her is one well spent. I just hope that the stream that carries it away will reverse and move it closer to me once more so I have the chance to bathe in it’s warmth and soothing voice once again.
There is still hope.